Election Day Alternatives for Apathetic Non-Voters
It seems that not voting is nearly as popular as voting. Hell, hardly anyone bothers to vote in North Korea. Let’s examine some of the reasons why you may not be voting: not registered, absentee...
View ArticleRomney “Too Busy Celebrating Dr. King and Stuff” to Watch Inauguration
SAN DIEGO – Former Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced this afternoon that he was not able to watch President Obama’s inauguration ceremony, as he was preoccupied with his personal...
View ArticleMeet the ASG Candidates: David Harris
Earlier this week, Sherman Ave reached out to the four ASG presidential tickets asking to interview them. All four tickets were gracious enough to accept; this is part two of four. Look for the other...
View Article7 Other Positions ASG Failed to Confirm
In the wake of a heated Associated Student Government Senate meeting last Wednesday night, ASG President Ani Ajith is scrambling to fill numerous vacancies for cabinet positions left unconfirmed...
View ArticleScalia in Dissenting Opinion: “GAAAAYYYYYYY”
While reading his dissenting opinion in the Supreme Court’s ruling that denial of federal benefits to married same-sex couples is unconstitutional, Scalia loudly shouted that the whole ordeal was...
View ArticleSupreme Court Announces End of Morality
In a controversial 5-4 decision this week, the Supreme Court announced the end of morality, and with it, the complete destruction of the nuclear family structure. With the invalidation of Proposition...
View ArticleIn Post-Soviet Russia, Toilet Uses You: Сехтой в России, Part 1
Squatty potties decided the Cold War. Khrushchev didn’t come to an agreement with Kennedy because he wanted to avoid a nuclear apocalypse; he phoned in the Cuban Missile Crisis in because he really...
View ArticleCongress Harder on IDs After Shutdown Scare
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources have reported that the United States Congress is “way harder to get into” than it was before the shutdown, which commenced on September 30th. In a press conference this...
View ArticleObama to commemorate JFK by sleeping with Kim Kardashian
WASHINGTON– President Obama announced in a nationally televised address Thursday that he will commemorate the legacy of the late President John F. Kennedy, who was shot and killed 50 years ago in...
View ArticleAl Gore Blames Early Hanukkah on Global Warming
In a last ditch effort to maintain a distant trace of cultural relevance, former Vice President Al Gore has pointed to what is described as a “calendar oddity” as further proof of global climate...
View ArticleFamily Dinner Debate Sparks Meaningful Action
Destroying loving family dynamic "totally worth it"
View ArticleSherman Ave Endorses Haley-Noah and Chris-Christina!
Combining people to make the best ideas!
View ArticleTed Cruz Hates Avocados, Finally Loses Young Female Vote
Is Ted Cruz down for the count?
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